Safe Choices

The final portion of My recent exchange with My enquiring correspondent :) As before, My reply is expanded from the original.

Other seriously important things to consider are questions regarding play with the Dominant you have chosen. Is s/he really skilled enough to be doing the things to you that you crave? Can s/he verify this? Is s/he prepared to allow you to talk to other serves they hold? Is s/he safe in what s/he does? Do they have a good reputation on the scene? Is their personal, environmental and kit hygiene good?

Don't get Me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being new and learning as long as the Dominant is honest and tells you this. We all had to start somewhere! I strongly advise you to be careful at the younger (and more eye candy) end of things! Many here are 'wanna dommes' who have no true grasp of the psychological and emotional impact of play on others. Through no fault of their own they think that kink in real life is a one dimensional and simple as fictional characters are portrayed - 50 Shades has a LOT to answer for here. You should also be wary of 'escorts with a crop'. They are often only after your money and tend to charade as pro-Dommes with no idea of what real BDSM is about. If you are not asked searching questions about your physical and mental health do NOT play with them! If you're offered a 'happy ending' then you are dealing with an escort and not a true pro-Domme. NO pro-Domme worth Her salt will permit you to have sex with Her. To be blunt, pro-Dommes do NOT fuck their clients, escorts do!

A decent pro-Domme will ask you intrusive questions about your health and mental state. She will also ensure that you don't try to cram too much into your time. Frankly two activities is a squeeze to address within an hour of time, more than this will not permit deep enough exploration of the sensations you desire. So as a rule of thumb if a pro-Domme offers to fit in six items on your tick list She is after your coin, not sharing a fantastic experience with you. A good Dominant, whether professional or lifestyle, will also allow some come-down time from play to ensure you are feeling ok with your experience. We describe this as after-care and it is an essential part of deep play. Additionally, a good play session will include a warm up section and cool down section within the play to help you achieve a desired state to allow deep play.

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Due to continued issues with malicious code on this blog that I am unable to resolve consistently I have decided to relocate back on to Wordpress, effective from 19/04/2014. 

My current blog can be found at Mistress Muses - She Twists. Look forward to seeing you there! 

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Exploitation Risks

Further portions of my exchange shared and expanded (with thanks to the prospector who asked the questions x).

If you begin to collar bond with a Dominant you had best be certain that you took your safety seriously and made your choice of Dominant carefully. Many will exploit these feelings and this can result in you ending up with a dreadful mess on your hands and your life in pieces. You should ALWAYS question the Dominant concerned and have an additional source of sanity to check what s/he says against! I'd suggest reading the boards and comparing the responses of 'your' Dominant to those of other well established Dominants - are they in keeping or are they blatantly outrageous and manipulative? If your Dominant tells you that you may not have contact with other kinksters, what is s/he worried about?

Abusive relationships come in many flavours, and we recognise that unhealthy vanilla relationships often contain the excessive control of external contact with friends and peers. Also, just to be ultra clear - if you don't give your consent or are coerced into an activity it's not BDSM that you are experiencing but abuse. Bear in mind that abuse can be a two way thing, and that it is abusive towards a trusting Dominant if you agree to something, regret your decision afterwards and then try to say you were coerced. The degree of self-recrimination some Dominants can go through if they feel they've not acted appropriately can be massive, as can the repercussions for them socially in the scene. 

A good Dominant will listen to you and help to safeguard you both during play and at others times emotionally, psychologically and physically. This is often needed a day or so after play, when emotions are running deeply and there seems to be no way to feel balanced about your experience. This is made particularly difficult if you are balancing your kink with a valued vanilla relationship and need to keep both aspects entirely divorced from one another. This again comes back to making a wise initial choice, something that is easily rushed in the desire to finally manifest your dark desires. It also rests firmly on maintaining good communication while respecting that we all have lives and that your Dominant may have to wait until their life demands allow a response. A good way to deal with this is to have a pre-arranged check in with your Dominant a few days after play has taken place. In this manner you can arrive at a mutually convenient time to talk to each other, and you have a point of focus to hold on to if your reaction to play isn't what you anticipated.

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Bottom or submissive?

I've been engaging in some interesting conversations with a particular "fresh out the box" potential plaything. Without realising it he has inspired a few posts that I feel are needed. What a lovely 'accidental' serve from him :) I have decided to share some of our correspondence to further support others who are in a similar predicament to his.

One of the questions he has asked is how to tell if he is a bottom or submissive... 

It's hard to say if you are a sub or a bottom. Some start as a bottom but with the right person find their submission. A bottom likes to have play, but does not submit to the will of the Dominant. Submission is where you want to kneel for the Mistress - it can be an almost unstoppable thing (something that once resulted in Me having to keep a pointed finger under A5's chin to prevent him from kneeling in a vanilla area of a munch! LOL!). Submission often results in collar bonding which feels similar to falling in love with the Mistress despite being happily married. This can be a confusing, challenging and daunting experience to go through. 

It challenges who you thought you were on a deep level because as you start to 'fall in love' you realise that you are prepared to surrender more of yourself to the Mistress you see rarely compared to what you were prepared to offer your partner. This is a very deep experience to go through and is best navigated with good communication with the Dominant concerned, who should act to steady you off while you traverse some difficult waters. This sensation usually calms down in a short period of time (weeks or at most a few months). Lack of communication at this point often leaves a nasty little burrowing worm inside of you that will not go away and that is not under control, resulting in more psychological distress than is necessary for the person experiencing it. Once these feelings have calmed you are often left with a burning need to please your Dominant as well as to be played by them.

While this depth of submission is fine and in truth results in far more gratifying play for both concerned, it is only a positive experience if the Mistress you have chosen is sane and non-manipulative. Sometimes building a good relationship with a pro-Domme by visiting Her regularly can help. You have the opportunity to serve one person regularly, giving you the opportunity to explore areas in greater depth and to release some of your submissive feelings. The addition of monetary exchange into the equation will necessarily control how often you can see Her, again this is fine unless She manipulates you into seeing Her more often or into spending money you can ill afford from your family budget. Money will also keep a psychological gap between you and the Dominant you have chosen which can help to protect you emotionally, however, sometimes the bonding with a pro-Domme is such that you can move from being a paying client to a personal serve - this being what happened between Myself and My beloved Toy.

REMEMBER: you are responsible for your safety so PLEASE choose your Dominant carefully!

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Mental Health & Kink

The recent influx of young people entering into kink since the publication of 50 Shades has also raised some concerns for me as well as the joy of young energy flying about the place.

More and more often I am approached by established kinksters not knowing how to support these new people as they display behaviours that indicate mental health issues. 

As someone with a degree in psychology and a counselling qualification to similar level I tend to hear of any issues frequently, with a marked increase amongst the younger end.

My advice? In all honesty, YOU have a responsibility towards your safety first and foremost. To abdicate responsibility to another via the medium of kink and then expect them to support you is frankly immature and lazy. There are many others who are diagnosed with bi-polar, depression, etc. who take full responsibility for their actions.They take breaks from kink when they feel their mental health declining and deal with their problems like the consenting adults they are. I have significant respect for those who maintain this level of responsibility for themselves, as well as such regard for the impact they could potentially have on others. I personally know of several individuals who do take this approach, much kudos to them.

While I'm not for a moment suggesting that we as a community should shun such people, I do think it's important that we ask ourselves how responsible we established kinksters are to permit access to clubs etc.. to individuals who find a 'trigger' every eight seconds in the play room, or who are not in a fit mental state to make truly informed decisions. Not only are we allowing someone incapable of caring for themselves to be at risk, but we place others under duress too because 'someone' has to deal with the situation or see the rights and freedoms of others negated and impeded by such incidents. If you add an unstable mind to this mix that is unwilling to self-regulate and consider the impact of their actions on others, is there wisdom in playing with them? Such individuals worry me hugely when they identify as tops, the potentiality for significant harm to others is frankly frightening.

Many Dominants/tops are inclined to feel that they can 'fix' the person in question and often take control of too many areas of the sufferers world. This 'lame duck syndrome' is common amongst humanity and does little to nurture or support an individual towards an empowered position. Who exactly is being helped here?

Funding for mental health support is poor at best at the moment, with the NHS only really offering CBT as therapy (because it's 'measurable' for funding targets). It is also important to be aware that being involved in BDSM is still deemed a mental health issue under UK definition until 2017. Admitting you are involved in kink when you approach health care professionals can prevent your employment in protected areas such as teaching, child care, care of vulnerable others and many other professions. There is wisdom in realising that you need to care for your state of mind before you engage in kink.

To those of you that suffer from such illness, I urge you to be aware of how you are feeling and to never be afraid to take a break to allow yourself to 'regroup' before returning to active kink. It is also the sanest step you can take to make sure you can cope with the emotions released by opening this area in your world before you engage actively in kink.

To those of you who feel you can 'mend' someone, I ask you to look at your motivations and ability to support someone in this position. Do you really have the time to dedicate to someone who will not be even emotionally? Are you exploiting them? Have they honestly given informed consent? Are you 'supporting' them to make yourself feel better as a person? Do you actually know what you are doing or are you making things worse?

Twistedly & controversially,

Mistress x

Nurse Perverse

Cower by the hour

For a click of My heel,

The snick of My steel.

Beg for Me

Plead for Me

Bleed for Me.

Lay at bay

As I pick you to bits

All covered with slits.

Beg for Me

Plead for Me

Bleed for Me.

Flinch by the inch,

Moan at My feet

Pathetic, yet neat

Beg for Me

Plead for Me

Bleed for Me.

Nurse Perverse

Watches her pet

As all becomes wet

Beg for Me

Plead for Me

Bleed for Me.

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Subjective Definitions

On many sites there are several choices you can make about your orientation, how you relate to Kink and many other areas. On fetlife for example the option to 'live it 2/7' is available. This tends to be the option I use because My Domme aspect is only ever a shadow away with Me. I've the luxury (and balls!) to make Kink part of my whole world, primarily because it is a huge part of who I am as a person. However, it would be unrealistic and frankly unhealthy for Me be in Domme role all the time. I use the term to describe the level of fluidity I have with Kink. A kind of warning that I may be in pink pyjamas (A5!) but can still make you beg if it entertains Me. 

Then we come to the definition of what being Dominant actually is. One lover I had for a (brief!) spell saw everything in terms of dominance and submission, rather than understanding where true authority resides. What one gets up to when folk dancing horizontally is not a definition of dominance and submission, but a moment shared by two people (ok, sometimes with a little kink in the mix! LOL!). I can recall endless debates on Informed Consent about whether you could be a 'real' Domme if you had sex in certain positions! I can't honestly imagine anything more reducing than limiting Myself because of another person's ridiculous notions of where I find my shits & giggles! Frankly if a Dominant woman wants something and has any sense she wont allow others to inform her of how she 'should' achieve it. Neither is there any weakness in embracing all of who you are. Surely it is only the weak who run from who they are? From the things they enjoy? And perhaps hide behind a role instead of being an authentic and honestly whole person? 

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Unicorn Hunting Part 3

Once you have established that the person you are talking to is genuine and who they claim to be, how do you meet them safely and make sure of this? If they are who they seem to be then meeting at a munch or local cafe wont be a problem. Genuine people will understand it is common sense to meet somewhere public while you get a 'feel' for each other.

Someone inclined to prey on others will attempt to coerce you into meeting more privately and/or not have a reputation that you can check. I sometimes meet privately with others as first contact, however, I have ascertained who they are as a person first and held lengthy conversations with them across several weeks. It is My experience of pro-Domme work that makes this something I'm familiar with, and I place certain safety restrictions down for both parties to ensure that this is a safe and sane choice. However, not everyone has a decade of reputation and experience to rely on!

I can be found attending various munches historically and am now returning to attending more of them as I ease back into the scene more. As a sadistic Domme I can be casually met at these events and am happy to talk to people and make new friends. I also occasionally offer to meet specific subs, slaves, switches and Dom/mes at munches I attend where others can vouch for who I am. I am also happy for those who are checking me out for being who I claim to be to contact others I'm involved with. Why would I mind if someone asked these questions before meeting Me?

Sometimes finding someone you are compatible with is as a rare and elusive a find as a unicorn. If the unicorn you think have spotted can't give you any of these things, why are you trusting your health, safety and life to them?

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Unicorn Hunting Part 2

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Unicorn Hunting Part 1

We all want to find that 'special person', be they Dominant, submissive, slave or switch. Ideally we want someone who will be compatible with us in the ways in which we like to play as well as a person. 

This can often be a difficult task. Like all communities ours contains both good and bad. With a membership around the 12 million mark there is also room for different groups of people who hold different principles and values. With the commercial popularity of '50 Shades' our community has experienced wider recognition and accessibility. While I personally think it's good that we are finally recognised as a community, it has allowed all kinds of 'wanna subs' and 'insta dom/mes' to spring up. While these people pose no community threat, they can and often do pose a safety threat in many ways.

Those who are very new to the scene do need and want to learn relevant skills and have a healthy attitude towards things. Yet many think they can just pick up a set of crops and other toys and head straight into play. Many are unable to answer even the most basic of play questions such as:

• Where should they strike a person in impact play to have fun and stay safe? 
• How do they keep their equipment in good shape so they don't harm someone? 
• Do they know basic first aid so that if there is an accident you can help keep keep the person safe while help is sought? What are the risks of the activity? 
• Can they tease more than one thrill from the game being played? 
• Will they support you emotionally and psychologically if you need it?
• How will you signal that you need them to stop or reduce intensity? 

If someone can't discuss these things with you, are you wise to engage in play with them? Remember, the things we enjoy carry an element of risk to them...it's what makes them fun. You are responsible for your safety before anyone else. Are you looking after yourself?

Twistedly,

 Mistress x

House Twisted Addition

I am pleased to welcome Chain of Command to House Twisted as Alpha Switch. We have a long association together and Chain of Command holds good standing in the Community as organiser of Sheffield Under 35's Munch. Chain has been a thorn in My side for many years, and I wouldn't change him for the world :)  

As a switch Chain of Command expands the Chain Family of House Twisted in a balanced and creative way. Bringing with him his wickedly creative style of play, and calmly organised skills House Twisted is greatly enhanced. Please note that  his collared, bratty, sub _Sammich_ is protected by House Twisted as the House kitten. 

I would like to formally welcome Twisted Chain to our Twisted chain family. Truly a Twisted Chain indeed :) 

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Safe Calls

If you have arranged to meet anyone from a web site or munch then please, please make sure you set up a safe call. Meeting with a potential play partner is an exciting part of our community that is common amongst us, because ours is a community built on trust for one another. However, this does leave things open for exploitation by some of those who prey on the edges of our world. A safe call is a sensible precaution, and someone should know where you really are and with whom.

You should set your safe call up to know where and who you are with. Then either text or call them a while into your meeting. You should also ideally have a later time pre-arranged to make contact with your safe call – even if it’s to let them know it’s going brilliantly and you’ll be longer than expected! The same process of a safe call set up applies to both parties, even if receiving someone into your ‘home territory’.

Remember, your safety is your responsibility and you should treat it with respect.

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Donimation March 2014

Plek and I attended Donimation in Doncaster last night, and what a fun time we both had. It was lovely to catch up with members of My house as the delectable Miss Nix was present with Her new pet Bertie, who looks well on his way in his training under Her hand. Chain of Command and Sammich were also there which made for a delicious evening all round.

Plek experienced his first ever public play, and I have to say he coped admirably well. Any concerns I had about him not being able to achieve space due to noise and distractions were quickly dispelled and he left the play area with a very pretty back and a fabulously glazed expression.  

As you can probably tell from the picture, Plek not only had his first public play, but his first blood drawn (though not from any of the obvious places on the picture I must say! LOL!). Ohm nom nom nom! For someone who has only been Dancing Darkly for a month I must say he's coping really well and is a natural masochist (which is very, very lucky!).

A huge thank you to the organisers of the event who were so welcoming to us both, and supportive of someone who is as new as My Plek :) 

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Devils Wishes

I have inherited certain traits from my ‘father’. One of which is the approach I have towards certain wishes made by those who bow for Me.  If you approach Me with the desire to find out “what the finger thing is” then you should anticipate the honesty of My words when I say you will be begging Me to stop in around 3 seconds (plek!). Likewise, should you make the unwise request of “please will you make me pass out” then it’s not likely to go well. 

When I advise people they aren’t yet ready for something there is a strong possibility that this judgement is based on My not inconsiderable experience and uncanny ability to read My serve.  So when I advised PG that this was not a good idea and he insisted he wanted to swim in such dark depths, I just could not resist the temptation to teach a valuable lesson. 

Once our recent breath play scene had warmed up nicely the begging to be played harder and harder began. So it was that PG found he had bitten off more than he anticipated chewing with a rubble bag over his head and a particularly evil glint in My eye. As I nudged his oxygen deprivation levels increasingly sharply, we established that in fact Mistress was correct and this was something to work towards. This understanding was arrived at after the most divine moment of fear had graced his eyes as  they stared at me through plastic. Mmmmm... I can still see the little demon of doubt dancing in his eyes as he stared into My cold ones.

I can’t help but feel that there is a lesson here to be learned about making wishes with Me ;-) 

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Leeds Free Munch

It's been a long time since I went along to a munch, so I'm really looking forward to attending Leeds Free Munch tomorrow. This was My first ever munch many (many!) years ago as I learned about this wonderful community. I was lucky enough to make some wonderful friends that I still hold dear today while I went there, and it will be good to see faces old and new. 

I'm taking My initiate plek with Me so that he can form friendships of his own within the community, and have the opportunity to meet some of the wonderful people I know. The delectable House Twisted beta Domme, Nixiness, will be there with her new 'juicy muse'. 

See you at Leeds? 

Twistedly,

Mistress x

House Twisted Changes

I am pleased to announce some important changes to House Twisted. Following a decade of association, the delightfully evil Nixiness joins House Twisted as the first Beta Domme . Her unique darkness is an asset to the House, along with her firm and (mostly) fair approach to training submissives.

Without Nixiness My extensive research into why men have nipples and do they come off would be almost impossible to attempt, and she has been invaluable over the years in raising the question “what if they’re a bayonet fitting?”. All jokes aside, her intelligent brand of evil domination is without parallel and I am delighted to welcome Her formally into House Twisted. While merciless loaning of subs will inevitably follow between ourselves, Nixiness and I will retain our own serves and train them to our individual preferences. 

Welcome Twisted Nix to the Chain Family of House Twisted. I look forward to Dancing Darkly with You across the flesh of others.

Twistedly,

Mistress x

The Whiff of Vanilla

I have the delight of training a new Initiate at the moment. He is fresh out of the vanilla box and turning out to be a real delight. Because an Initiate is so vulnerable I have agreed to keep him more closely under My hand across this period, with a view to formally Considering him as a member of My household. This means that I will afford him protection while he finds out the things he enjoys and establishes his scene identity.  

Plek and I are getting along famously and he has taken to his training really well. So far he seems to enjoy blades and crops the most, with breath play becoming an increasing fascination. Not at all bad for someone who still has a faint whiff of vanilla about him! As far as roles and identity is concerned, the jury is out as to what exactly I have unwrapped, but it is going to be fun finding out over the next  while.   

For the time being plek will be trained to be My houseboy and companion, as well as My masochistic plaything. Should he continue to develop the way that he is, and negotiations be successful, I will be looking to take him formally on My training collar over the next few months.

For the time being My Initiate plek, be welcome to the Dark Dance, and may your journey be the adventure of a lifetime.

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Breathtaking Play

It is no secret that I love breath play. I can't begin to describe the rush it gives me on so many levels. And there are so many different ways to do it that you can slightly change the 'flavour' of it should you want to. (Ohm nom nom!). I can get a power rush from it, an animalistic one, a control rush, a sadistic rush and occasionally - with very select people - a seriously hot one.

It was an extremely hot and erotic play that I had with dear 'pg' the other day. There's something so obscenely sexy about licking someone's face through a clear bag while they gasp for air.   We played at this level for some time; and no, you don't get more details than that - what happens in Chambers, stays in Chambers! ;) Right in the middle of our second scene of the day I had the most amazing playgasm. To climax without contact and as a direct result of play alone is an amazing experience. Funny the effect trying to kill someone you're fond of can have isn't it? LOL!

Thank you pg, now that's what I call a hot scene x

Twistedly,

Mistress x

Happy 2014

It's that time of year again. As a treat to mark My return I've made you a wallpaper calendar of my most recent shots for you to enjoy. 

So what are your resolutions this year? Being a warm and loving Mistress towards My pets I have decided to make the following resolutions:

• Brighteyes shall learn to drive
• Daisy shall learn how to give manicures & pedicures
• BlueWare is to be victim to terrible coffee or make it himself! 
• One little chit will be known by the name 'puer' while I contemplate his usefulness.
• And if he's not careful, someone will be condemned to wear a rabbit mask in public and to keep his cute 'babbit' name!
• MrDeeds is to attend to the task set for him.
• PG must walk for 30 minutes in daylight each day.
• Twisted Mistress will continue to NOT watch the Sound of Music, NOT go hang-gliding and to NOT bungee jump or engage in parkour across 2014.

  That all seems quite reasonable to Me! 

Twistedly,

Mistress x