The final portion of My recent exchange with My enquiring correspondent :) As before, My reply is expanded from the original.
Other seriously important things to consider are questions regarding play with the Dominant you have chosen. Is s/he really skilled enough to be doing the things to you that you crave? Can s/he verify this? Is s/he prepared to allow you to talk to other serves they hold? Is s/he safe in what s/he does? Do they have a good reputation on the scene? Is their personal, environmental and kit hygiene good?
Don't get Me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being new and learning as long as the Dominant is honest and tells you this. We all had to start somewhere! I strongly advise you to be careful at the younger (and more eye candy) end of things! Many here are 'wanna dommes' who have no true grasp of the psychological and emotional impact of play on others. Through no fault of their own they think that kink in real life is a one dimensional and simple as fictional characters are portrayed - 50 Shades has a LOT to answer for here. You should also be wary of 'escorts with a crop'. They are often only after your money and tend to charade as pro-Dommes with no idea of what real BDSM is about. If you are not asked searching questions about your physical and mental health do NOT play with them! If you're offered a 'happy ending' then you are dealing with an escort and not a true pro-Domme. NO pro-Domme worth Her salt will permit you to have sex with Her. To be blunt, pro-Dommes do NOT fuck their clients, escorts do!
A decent pro-Domme will ask you intrusive questions about your health and mental state. She will also ensure that you don't try to cram too much into your time. Frankly two activities is a squeeze to address within an hour of time, more than this will not permit deep enough exploration of the sensations you desire. So as a rule of thumb if a pro-Domme offers to fit in six items on your tick list She is after your coin, not sharing a fantastic experience with you. A good Dominant, whether professional or lifestyle, will also allow some come-down time from play to ensure you are feeling ok with your experience. We describe this as after-care and it is an essential part of deep play. Additionally, a good play session will include a warm up section and cool down section within the play to help you achieve a desired state to allow deep play.
Twistedly,
Mistress
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Due to continued issues with malicious code on this blog that I am unable to resolve consistently I have decided to relocate back on to Wordpress, effective from 19/04/2014.
My current blog can be found at Mistress Muses - She Twists. Look forward to seeing you there!
Twistedly,
Mistress
x
Further portions of my exchange shared and expanded (with thanks to the prospector who asked the questions x).
If you begin to collar bond with a Dominant you had best be certain that you took your safety seriously and made your choice of Dominant carefully. Many will exploit these feelings and this can result in you ending up with a dreadful mess on your hands and your life in pieces. You should ALWAYS question the Dominant concerned and have an additional source of sanity to check what s/he says against! I'd suggest reading the boards and comparing the responses of 'your' Dominant to those of other well established Dominants - are they in keeping or are they blatantly outrageous and manipulative? If your Dominant tells you that you may not have contact with other kinksters, what is s/he worried about?
Abusive relationships come in many flavours, and we recognise that unhealthy vanilla relationships often contain the excessive control of external contact with friends and peers. Also, just to be ultra clear - if you don't give your consent or are coerced into an activity it's not BDSM that you are experiencing but abuse. Bear in mind that abuse can be a two way thing, and that it is abusive towards a trusting Dominant if you agree to something, regret your decision afterwards and then try to say you were coerced. The degree of self-recrimination some Dominants can go through if they feel they've not acted appropriately can be massive, as can the repercussions for them socially in the scene.
A good Dominant will listen to you and help to safeguard you both during play and at others times emotionally, psychologically and physically. This is often needed a day or so after play, when emotions are running deeply and there seems to be no way to feel balanced about your experience. This is made particularly difficult if you are balancing your kink with a valued vanilla relationship and need to keep both aspects entirely divorced from one another. This again comes back to making a wise initial choice, something that is easily rushed in the desire to finally manifest your dark desires. It also rests firmly on maintaining good communication while respecting that we all have lives and that your Dominant may have to wait until their life demands allow a response. A good way to deal with this is to have a pre-arranged check in with your Dominant a few days after play has taken place. In this manner you can arrive at a mutually convenient time to talk to each other, and you have a point of focus to hold on to if your reaction to play isn't what you anticipated.
Twistedly,
Mistress
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