Exploitation Risks

Further portions of my exchange shared and expanded (with thanks to the prospector who asked the questions x).

If you begin to collar bond with a Dominant you had best be certain that you took your safety seriously and made your choice of Dominant carefully. Many will exploit these feelings and this can result in you ending up with a dreadful mess on your hands and your life in pieces. You should ALWAYS question the Dominant concerned and have an additional source of sanity to check what s/he says against! I'd suggest reading the boards and comparing the responses of 'your' Dominant to those of other well established Dominants - are they in keeping or are they blatantly outrageous and manipulative? If your Dominant tells you that you may not have contact with other kinksters, what is s/he worried about?

Abusive relationships come in many flavours, and we recognise that unhealthy vanilla relationships often contain the excessive control of external contact with friends and peers. Also, just to be ultra clear - if you don't give your consent or are coerced into an activity it's not BDSM that you are experiencing but abuse. Bear in mind that abuse can be a two way thing, and that it is abusive towards a trusting Dominant if you agree to something, regret your decision afterwards and then try to say you were coerced. The degree of self-recrimination some Dominants can go through if they feel they've not acted appropriately can be massive, as can the repercussions for them socially in the scene. 

A good Dominant will listen to you and help to safeguard you both during play and at others times emotionally, psychologically and physically. This is often needed a day or so after play, when emotions are running deeply and there seems to be no way to feel balanced about your experience. This is made particularly difficult if you are balancing your kink with a valued vanilla relationship and need to keep both aspects entirely divorced from one another. This again comes back to making a wise initial choice, something that is easily rushed in the desire to finally manifest your dark desires. It also rests firmly on maintaining good communication while respecting that we all have lives and that your Dominant may have to wait until their life demands allow a response. A good way to deal with this is to have a pre-arranged check in with your Dominant a few days after play has taken place. In this manner you can arrive at a mutually convenient time to talk to each other, and you have a point of focus to hold on to if your reaction to play isn't what you anticipated.

Twistedly,

Mistress x