More and more often I am approached by established kinksters not knowing how to support these new people as they display behaviours that indicate mental health issues.
As someone with a degree in psychology and a counselling qualification to similar level I tend to hear of any issues frequently, with a marked increase amongst the younger end.
My advice? In all honesty, YOU have a responsibility towards your safety first and foremost. To abdicate responsibility to another via the medium of kink and then expect them to support you is frankly immature and lazy. There are many others who are diagnosed with bi-polar, depression, etc. who take full responsibility for their actions.They take breaks from kink when they feel their mental health declining and deal with their problems like the consenting adults they are. I have significant respect for those who maintain this level of responsibility for themselves, as well as such regard for the impact they could potentially have on others. I personally know of several individuals who do take this approach, much kudos to them.
While I'm not for a moment suggesting that we as a community should shun such people, I do think it's important that we ask ourselves how responsible we established kinksters are to permit access to clubs etc.. to individuals who find a 'trigger' every eight seconds in the play room, or who are not in a fit mental state to make truly informed decisions. Not only are we allowing someone incapable of caring for themselves to be at risk, but we place others under duress too because 'someone' has to deal with the situation or see the rights and freedoms of others negated and impeded by such incidents. If you add an unstable mind to this mix that is unwilling to self-regulate and consider the impact of their actions on others, is there wisdom in playing with them? Such individuals worry me hugely when they identify as tops, the potentiality for significant harm to others is frankly frightening.
Many Dominants/tops are inclined to feel that they can 'fix' the person in question and often take control of too many areas of the sufferers world. This 'lame duck syndrome' is common amongst humanity and does little to nurture or support an individual towards an empowered position. Who exactly is being helped here?
Funding for mental health support is poor at best at the moment, with the NHS only really offering CBT as therapy (because it's 'measurable' for funding targets). It is also important to be aware that being involved in BDSM is still deemed a mental health issue under UK definition until 2017. Admitting you are involved in kink when you approach health care professionals can prevent your employment in protected areas such as teaching, child care, care of vulnerable others and many other professions. There is wisdom in realising that you need to care for your state of mind before you engage in kink.
To those of you that suffer from such illness, I urge you to be aware of how you are feeling and to never be afraid to take a break to allow yourself to 'regroup' before returning to active kink. It is also the sanest step you can take to make sure you can cope with the emotions released by opening this area in your world before you engage actively in kink.
To those of you who feel you can 'mend' someone, I ask you to look at your motivations and ability to support someone in this position. Do you really have the time to dedicate to someone who will not be even emotionally? Are you exploiting them? Have they honestly given informed consent? Are you 'supporting' them to make yourself feel better as a person? Do you actually know what you are doing or are you making things worse?
Twistedly & controversially,
Mistress
x
As ever spot on the nose for what has been ticking around in my head.
ReplyDeleteAs for CBT as therapy (all serious things aside) I've found that applying a good squeeze to be most therapeutic. Stress busting balls.