Bottom or submissive?

I've been engaging in some interesting conversations with a particular "fresh out the box" potential plaything. Without realising it he has inspired a few posts that I feel are needed. What a lovely 'accidental' serve from him :) I have decided to share some of our correspondence to further support others who are in a similar predicament to his.

One of the questions he has asked is how to tell if he is a bottom or submissive... 

It's hard to say if you are a sub or a bottom. Some start as a bottom but with the right person find their submission. A bottom likes to have play, but does not submit to the will of the Dominant. Submission is where you want to kneel for the Mistress - it can be an almost unstoppable thing (something that once resulted in Me having to keep a pointed finger under A5's chin to prevent him from kneeling in a vanilla area of a munch! LOL!). Submission often results in collar bonding which feels similar to falling in love with the Mistress despite being happily married. This can be a confusing, challenging and daunting experience to go through. 

It challenges who you thought you were on a deep level because as you start to 'fall in love' you realise that you are prepared to surrender more of yourself to the Mistress you see rarely compared to what you were prepared to offer your partner. This is a very deep experience to go through and is best navigated with good communication with the Dominant concerned, who should act to steady you off while you traverse some difficult waters. This sensation usually calms down in a short period of time (weeks or at most a few months). Lack of communication at this point often leaves a nasty little burrowing worm inside of you that will not go away and that is not under control, resulting in more psychological distress than is necessary for the person experiencing it. Once these feelings have calmed you are often left with a burning need to please your Dominant as well as to be played by them.

While this depth of submission is fine and in truth results in far more gratifying play for both concerned, it is only a positive experience if the Mistress you have chosen is sane and non-manipulative. Sometimes building a good relationship with a pro-Domme by visiting Her regularly can help. You have the opportunity to serve one person regularly, giving you the opportunity to explore areas in greater depth and to release some of your submissive feelings. The addition of monetary exchange into the equation will necessarily control how often you can see Her, again this is fine unless She manipulates you into seeing Her more often or into spending money you can ill afford from your family budget. Money will also keep a psychological gap between you and the Dominant you have chosen which can help to protect you emotionally, however, sometimes the bonding with a pro-Domme is such that you can move from being a paying client to a personal serve - this being what happened between Myself and My beloved Toy.

REMEMBER: you are responsible for your safety so PLEASE choose your Dominant carefully!

Twistedly,

Mistress x