The Pain of Post-Traditional Life?

As a Dominatrix I have contact with many people and am granted a unique and less guarded window into their worlds. Just recently I've been observing high levels of distress across many people. There seems to be an unusual number of bereavements and relationships seem to shatter with increasing frequency. This is unusual for the time of year, and yes, believe it or not, even pain of this type has it's seasonal shift.

Many are behaving coquettishly and are frivolous with the emotions of others, spending love wildly and without care then running along to the next willing car crash. Others are adjusting to the trauma of a life disrupted by events beyond their control as life exacts its dues and the circle completes. Yet always there is an undertow of pain and desperation that seems if anything to be building energy.

Find time to offer a kind word or a smile where you usually wouldn't bother. Take a moment to check in on those you know. The best way to bring light into your life, is to shine it into others - only the reflection will warm your heart. Society is going through the pains of change and it's claiming a heavy price from many. Those of you who have forgotten how to extend warmth and friendship because you feel cold and alone can reach outwards and gain what you seek. Like it or not, all things do pass in time, no matter how desperate and consuming they feel now. Rather than dwell on what ails you, form circles of support where you care for each other. While there's nothing wrong with feeling sad or angry, it becomes destructive if you allow it to gain mastery over you. 

Today I ask you all to extend a kindness to one total stranger and to one person you know to be suffering or feeling 'down'. An odd charge to come from the mouth of a Domme I know, but the only 'right' kind of suffering is the type I bestow consensually, and trust me, this aint it!

Twistedly,
Mistress
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Aftercare

Once your scene is coming to a conclusion the question of aftercare raises its head. It's often a good idea to talk about this before you play together. Are there blankets to hand to help keep you warm? Many submissives experience a significant drop in body temperature and only become aware of it as the scene concludes. An experienced Dominant will have been monitoring your temperature during play and have the appropriate things to hand.

It's important that submissives remember to care for their Dominant after a Lifestyle scene too. Dominants often feel more 'light headed' after the conclusion of play. This is often a good time to drop into a service role if you're Their submissive/ it's a lifestyle play situation. See if They would like a drink or something to eat and fetch it for Them.  Once They are tended to, clean off any spills you were 'careless' enough to leave behind! This not only gets things put away but acts as a sort of bridge between the intensity of the scene and the 'real world', it also gives the Dominant time to catch Their breath and adjust too.

Club Night

I'm delighted to announce that I will be attending The Kage on 29th August 2010 as My first 'play out' after My self-imposed time off. The club runs from 2pm to 8pm (helping you avoid too many awkward questions!). It should be noted that I am attending socially as the guest of Dave the Butcher but, as ever, I may decide to play someone from the 'floor'. Hmmmmm....which accessories to take with Me?

The Kage is held in Manchester and has a strict fetish dress code. Single males are permitted but need to obtain verification (details of how to gain this can be found on their Facebook page). 

You know where to go if you hope to catch My eye or meet Me!

Twistedly,

Mistress

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Permission granted....eventually

I had a wonderful scene with My dear Twisted trinket {TM} and My ward, Lady Isabella yesterday. After stoking them up with frustration training for days before hand we had some wonderful fun with knives and talons. They tell Me that being chained together while I played them in turns was a dreadful tease, imagine! LOL! *evil grin*

However, we were having so much fun that I completely 'forgot' to grant them permission to gain their release from their frustration. I'm terribly absent minded at times, I once 'forgot' to release someone from his chasteness for almost a week! Bless him, he begged Me so nicely on New Years eve that I was kind enough to send him a text at 11.55pm 31/12/2007 to grant his release....shame the servers were all so busy he didn't get that until the following year! I can be terribly 'absent minded' at times! LOL!

By the way, Twisted trinket {TM} and Lady Isobella, as you were both so very pleasing, you have permission to cum at last My pets!

Twistedly,

Mistress

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Negotiating a Scene

Once you have found someone to play with (don't forget My safety tips, will you?) the scene you hope to share will need to be negotiated. This means being honest about the things you DO want to try as well as being open about what you DON'T want to do. If you're submissive and wish to avoid seeming to 'top from the bottom', discuss these areas as gifts you would desire to lay at the Dominant's feet or areas you hope They will consider teaching you about. This can be tricky if you're entirely new to the situation and have no notion of what you may enjoy. In this case, be clear about what you DON'T think is OK (these may change as you journey further); and think about the images you are attracted to, what things are in your fantasies?

Make sure you are both open and honest about your health status too. If you intend to lick shoes that have been worn outside, is your tetanus vaccination up to date? Make sure you take a snack along with you if your first encounter is to be at the talented hands of a good pro-Domme. The initial experience can leave you feeling light headed, and a simple chocolate bar can work wonders. Don't forget to make clear any marking limits you may have too. What safeword or communication system is to be used? Only a fool plays for the first time with someone new without using "traffic lights" or a similar system! I refuse to play someone new without it in place - although it's not used I feel better if it's there in case I do mis-read a reaction. I also refuse to re-negotiate once a scene has begun. I have this rule because of how many kneel for Me and once in scene will beg for something I know perfectly well they will regret bitterly afterwards. If the Dominant you are thinking of engaging with doesn't display this level of stewardship with their playthings then ask yourself what you're doing negotiating with them!

Bored!

I do declare I'm getting worse! I have a very low boredom threshold at times, and believe Me, a bored Mistress is a terrible thing! Today I was so bored I teased My sweet little brighteyes until he'd got a throbbing, raging hard-on in a FRIDGE! (damn I'm good! LOL!) I thought this was terribly funny, so I kept him that way for ages!

After teasing him for hours I finally allowed him to beg for permission to cum while one of his work colleagues was in the cubicle next to him, you have to love fate! LOL! I couldn't have planned that one better Myself, and it was quite the most strangled little "please" I've ever heard in My life! LMAO! How humiliating to be reduced to such a state at work! And how hot will the memory be of it all every time he uses the toilets?

By the way, I'm not bored any more! LOL!

Twistedly,

Mistress

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The Evil Time Pixie

It never ceases to amaze Me how time passes when I'm having fun! :) When a scene is flowing particularly well I'd swear an evil little time pixie nips in and steals time.  What seems to happen is that 2 hours feels like 30 minutes to Me, or, in My adored Twisted behaviour's{TM} opinion, about 10 minutes! This loss of time is actually caused by the release of certain chemicals during a scene, resulting in a distorted perception of elapsed time. It's one of the ways you 'know' you've approached or hit that elusive state of being known as 'space' (sub or top). 

Next time you're strung up by your Dominant and it feels like you were only there for 10 minutes and you can't understand why They look to tired or why the club is closing when you "just got there"....remember to say thank you nicely to Them! After all, They just gave you the ride of your life....even if it hasn't fully registered yet! LOL! ;)

While we're on the subject, it's useful to observe that the effect is different on the Dominant person. Although They will enter a place where time may cease to be 'real', They probably wont get the full effect of those lovely chemicals until afterwards (I'm guessing that the chemical chains are different, or it's a combinational effect linked to brain activity. I can't personally comment on the actual science behind this as I've yet to unearth a study on Dominant blood chemistry during/after play). Anyway, the point is They will end up feeling light headed AFTER the scene more than during it, so make sure you to keep an eye on Them and ensure They have any food or drink They want, as well as somewhere to rest afterwards.

Doncaster Pride 2010

It's not long now until Doncaster Pride! I can't WAIT! We had so much fun last year...and there was this cute chick..... LOL! Mind you, this year I get to oggle at Toyah mmmmmmm! Gates open at 2pm and at £3 entrance it's definately a bargarama!

Last year was amazing fun and it was great to meet up with friends old and new...even if there was a nasty pineappling! LOL!

Check out further details on the website http://www.doncasterpride.co.uk/ and mark the 21st of August in your diary! See you there!

Seeking Domination Safely

There are certain safety considerations to take into account when seeking a Dominant, either personally or professionally:

1. 
   
   Do you know anyone else who has met Them?
2. 
   
   How long have they been active in the scene?
3. 
   
   Do they have a presence on Informed Consent? If so, what is Their posting history like? Do They express Their views elsewhere in a sensible manner? Are They argumentative and dismissive of others, or are They assertive and Dominant enough to admit when They are wrong (remember, only the weak have a problem with that!).
4. 
   
   Has Their website been up for more than 5 minutes? Do They maintain a traceable footprint?
5. 
   
   If the person is to Dominate you, then ask yourself where They get Their power from. Are They a bully or do They lead from a calm and controlled place within? Are they confident or are They having sex/an affair that They otherwise couldn’t get? In which case, are they really Dominant? Are They intelligent enough to enter into healthy debate without resorting to name calling?
6. 
   
   Have They checked your health status both initially and ‘on the day’? If not, why not????
7. 
   
   What are Their cross-contamination controls? You wouldn't feel comfortable at a hospital where equipment was filthy, why allow an 'untrained' stranger such liberties?
8. 
   
   How do They balance confidentiality and safety?
9. 
   
   Don’t forget to enquire after Their health too, we don’t want you all tied up with a heart attack victim at your feet do we?
10. 
    
    Are They evasive when you ask questions that aren't personally intrusive?

Kink Safety

Staying safe while having fun can seem terribly dull until you come a cropper (and I don’t mean in a good way!). There are some basic rules to follow to keep you safe while you explore your kinks with others that are worth mentioning:

General Safety

1. 
   
   Make sure you have a ‘safe call’ set up with a friend you can trust if you’re going to meet someone. even if you lie as to why you’re meeting, make sure you have an external point of contact that is aware you’re out; and if you don’t want to give away too many details, leave a note at home as to your exact location.
2. 
   
   Courtesy should be given, but trust should be earned. Never allow someone to tie you up the first time you meet them!
3. 
   
   What are their personal circumstances? If their partner “doesn’t understand them or their needs” and they have a sexual focus what do you THINK they want? DUR!
4. 
   
   What could they lose if they blew the whistle on you and your preferences? If they know more about you than you do them, alarm bells should be ringing! I happen to know personally of a male who preys around the edges of the BDSM scene, luring vulnerable female subs to him and after having sex with them for a while blackmails them for a few grand afterwards. This is NOT a BDSM ‘master’, this is a sociopathic little shit with significant insecurities (and a small penis!). Be careful, there are plenty of bottom feeders at the edge of the kinky pond. While these vampiric cowards usually pose as Dominants (often attempting to legitimise themselves through association with respected Dominants), but be wary of subs who follow similar patterns and hide their circumstances from you.
5. 
   
   Make sure you have a kink specific email address to help protect your identity.

These points may seem obvious, but I meet so many folk who seem to loose all their common sense when their fetishes stand a chance of being made real! Don’t forget to engage your brain so you can relax into an experience that can life altering, otherwise you risk ending up in a nightmare that’s life ruining!

Weaving

I'm taking some time to work on My websites now I'm recovered and catching up with My pets.  As a Lifestyle Domina first and foremost it's mattered to Me to spend some time with My own sparkling jewels before I consider anything else. It's been wonderful to see twisted toy{TM} again after such a long break, and there are definitely a few naughties to discuss the next time I see him too! LOL! Hmmmm....that just leaves My beloved twisted behaviour{TM} to 'polish' for 10 minutes or so. ;)

I'm now taking pro-Domme bookings again, but I DO urge those of you considering booking to remember that I am a sensually sadistic Dominatrix and NOT an "escort with a crop". Believe me, you are NOT going to be the exception!

I hope very much that Twisted trinket{TM} enjoys the London munch this weekend while I work at restoring My websites to their former glory and perhaps tweak a thing or two...

Industriously

Mistress

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